


The One with Hotch’s Performance Anxiety

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Something More [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I refuse to let my hubris tear us apart.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One with Hotch’s Performance Anxiety

“I'm sorry, Emily.”

“Hmm?”

She stopped focusing on whatever she was focusing on and looked at Hotch.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Emily nodded, trying to smile but not quite making it. “I guess I was just lost in thought.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing really,”

“So you were lost in thought but weren't thinking about anything? That’s interesting.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it, OK Hotch?”

“Yeah…OK.”

He sighed, putting his full attention back on the road. It was drizzling now; would probably turn to rain as they moved further south. They were 45 minutes into the two hour ride from Wilmington, Delaware. It was a short trip and the team didn’t feel the need to take the plane. They would’ve had to land at Dover Air Force Base and drive the almost two hours to Wilmington anyway…it would be a waste of time.

Time was something the BAU didn’t have a lot of in this case. Delaware was looking at one of its first serial murder cases. Wealthy senior citizens were being attacked and murdered in the middle of the night. Then they were being robbed. The exclusive neighborhoods in one of the country’s first cities were frightened.

Three crimes had taken place before help was requested. The police weren't ready to say the cases were connected. The team looked at the case for 15 minutes in the BAU conference room and knew Wilmington was in trouble. So they spent five days working the case. In the end one person was arrested and the dominoes were falling on what the BAU profiled as a wolf pack of at least four or five, each involved for their own pathological reasons.

Two more crimes took place while they were investigating. Getting those Unsubs off the street as fast as possible was the only way for people to be safe. The savagery was escalating; it would get worse before it got better. No one got much sleep…you didn’t working cases like this. They were all glad it was over so they could go home and get reacquainted with their pillows and sheets.

“Were you saying something?” Emily asked.

“Not really.”

“C'mon Hotch, don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Shut down on me.”

“I wasn’t doing that.” Hotch replied.

“You’ve been doing that for the past week.”

“We were on a case. When we’re on a case I need to lead this team. I have to have complete focus on what's happening in the field.”

“And you think I don’t?” Emily asked. “We haven’t been on a case for the past eight days. You’ve been…you know what, nevermind.”

“Don’t do that; don’t nevermind me. Finish your point, Emily.”

“I don’t even know what to say.”

Emily sighed, rubbing her eyes. She was tired and this case took a lot out of her. They were running against a fast-moving clock and could barely keep up. Three people died while they were trying to figure things out. Six people died before they were even called in.

Those people were her parents’ age. Emily kept her head in the game; professionalism came before everything. Now that it was over, the bricks were falling down on her. She needed a long, hot shower and a good cry. Surely she would only get one of those tonight.

“That has never happened to me before, Emily.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When I…when we…my performance anxiety.”

“Oh.” She replied quietly.

“I refuse to let my hubris tear us apart.”

“Hotch…”

“It pissed me off.” He said. “Then I felt silly, and then I was embarrassed. I had no idea what you thought and didn’t want to ask. I thought you believed I didn’t find you attractive. Nothing could be further from the truth, Emily. I wanted you so much I…”Hotch couldn’t finish his thought.

“I guess we have to have this conversation.” She said.

“Not if you don’t want to.”

She could tell from his tone that he meant the exact opposite. Emily had known Hotch long enough to read him with body language and tone. They needed to have this conversation. Part of the reason was his hubris. Hotch wasn’t perfect, surely some of his confidence in being a man came from being able to perform like one. It became even more important when he was with a woman he loved and was attracted to. Emily wasn’t a man so no matter how hard she tried to wrap her mind around it she would never completely understand.

“Its not that I don’t want to. I just don’t know how you could ever think that what happened last weekend would affect how I feel about you. Your reaction to it has been worse than it actually was. Our date was amazing, Aaron; I'm looking forward to our second one. Do you really think I only care about sex? After all that we've been through?”

“You thought our date was amazing?” Hotch asked, a smile crossing his serious face.

“You didn’t?”

“No, I mean, of course I did. You were so beautiful; you are beautiful Emily. I had a wonderful time. I just…”

“Next time I think we should take Jack to Colonial Williamsburg. We took my niece and nephew there just a few years ago and the whole family had a blast. We could stand a real weekend off; could make it a family thing.”

“I think Jack would love that.”

“Then it’s a date.” Emily replied, smiling. She crossed her arms and calm seemed to come over her.

Hotch glanced at her as he turned the windshield wipers up. As he thought, the rain got harder the further south they drove.

“You're wonderful.” He said. “You're more than that but that’s the only word I can think of right now.”

“I am, aren’t I?”

He laughed, stroking her arm. Emily took his hand and kissed it.

“We’ll talk about it when we get home.” She said.

“Talk about what?”

Emily couldn’t help but smirk. Men, they were a very special species.

“Whatever you want to talk about, Hotch.”

He nodded, managing a smile. He wanted to hold her hand but needed to pay as much attention to the road as possible. She was right though, the past week he had been unbearable and it was because of his own issues. He needed to make that up to her…somehow.

“I'm giving you an IOU.” He said.

“For what?”

“A kiss…as soon as we’re stationary.”

“I’ll take it.” Prentiss slipped it into her pocket and relaxed in her seat.

***

They were back at Emily’s condo, holding hands in the elevator as it slowly moved up three floors. They walked down the hallway and Emily unlocked the front door. The one lamp in the living room was on, it was always on, and George came running. He mewled loudly; Emily picked him up in her arms and cuddled him.

“Hey baby. Did Nat take good care of you while I was gone? I'm so sorry I leave you alone as much as I do. You'd probably be better off living in the lap of kitty luxury with my parents.”

George purred, using her chin to stroke his head. Emily kissed his cheek before putting him back on the floor. He walked around Hotch’s feet a few times before going off to his own adventures.

“Well, we’re stationary now so…” He took Emily’s hand and pulled her close. “I think I'm going to take that IOU.”

“It’s in my pocket.” She replied.

Hotch slipped his hand in, pulled it back out, and kissed her. The kiss was light and rather chaste. Emily smiled against his lips. She pulled him closer, deepening it, and felt him open himself to her.

“I should probably go,” He whispered as their lips came apart. “I wanted to see you inside safely.”

“You're not leaving, Hotch.”

“I'm not?”

“Uh uh.” Emily shook her head. “Its late, it’s raining, and you're tired. You don’t have to worry about Jack because he is tucked snuggly in bed with Jessie watching over him. You’re staying with me.”

Hotch wanted to argue. He didn’t know why he did but he did. He even opened his mouth to do just that before logic got the better of him. What was he arguing for? He wanted to stay more than anything. He was petrified of a repeat of last week’s performance, or lack thereof, but Emily didn’t seem to care less.

His feet automatically followed hers up to the bedroom. He’d never been in there before. Because of Jack they usually spent most of their together time at his place; his almost comfortable place. Now didn’t seem the best time to be a stranger in a strange land. Hotch did his best to take it all in while she was undressing him. Large picture window, four poster bed, cherry oak furniture, maroons, blacks, crèmes, closet door, and bathroom door. Suit jacket, tie, shoes, dress shirt, slacks, tee shirt…wait.

“What's the matter?” Emily asked. Her voice was soft as Hotch took hold of her hands before she could take off his undershirt.

“I um…” He was embarrassed. He was out in the open and embarrassed. Why couldn’t he open his mouth and say it?

“I'm overdressed, aren’t I? What is it that you always say, Aaron; a little reciprocity? It’s only fair.”

He stood in the middle of the carpet while Emily undressed for him. Boots, socks, shirt, and jeans, until there was only underwear. She wore very pretty powder pink underwear. Did she wear that all the time or was tonight special? They were little string bikinis and a sexy bra. Hotch saw the light bounce off the silver bar in her navel. He’d discovered that secret treasure last weekend on his first exploration of her body.

“Are we on the same playing field now?” She asked.

“Emily…”

“I don’t want you worrying about a thing.” She walked back and put her arms around him. “You're carrying a load, Aaron. Put it down; take a deep breath. I’m going to take such good care of you.”

“I wanna do the same.” Hotch stroked her back. Her skin, oh God, he loved her skin so much. With just his fingers on it he could remember what it felt like on his lips. It was hard to bite back a moan.

“I know you will. You’ll do all of that and more. But tonight,” Her hands moved down to stroke his ass. She loved his body…she wanted it. “Tonight I'm going to take you on a fantastic ride. All you need to do is hold on tight. Are you with me?”

“Should I buckle up?”

Emily laughed, leading him over to the bed. Hotch turned out the lamp before she stripped him naked. She knew why; had never seen the scars George Foyet inflicted upon him. No one had but his doctor and tonight wasn’t the night to argue about it. She had other monsters to conquer.

Starting at the top of his hairline, she sprinkled kisses across his forehead, his eyelids, his cheekbones and lips. Hotch liked kissing, so he kept that up for a while. The way her lips moved against his, her hands stroking his body. He moaned, arching himself against her. She pulled away from his kisses, continuing on her trek down.

Sucking his earlobe, trailing kisses across his neck, throat, and collarbone. Emily used her mouth, teeth, and tongue to explore his chest, nipples, belly, groin, down to his thighs, knees, calves…to the soles of his feet. She knew he was relaxed; it wasn’t hard to recognize a relaxed man. Sliding back up with her hands, Emily took gentle hold of him.

“Ohhh, Emily.” Hotch closed his eyes tight, his head lolling to the side.

“Relax, let go, let me take the wheel.” She whispered, kissing him.

“Take the wheel.”

She stroked him, slowly. Up and down, down and up, he was ready to go in a matter of minutes. But she wasn’t done yet. Reaching into her nightstand drawer, Emily pulled out the lube.

“What are you…?”

“Shh,” She put her finger on his lips. “Do you trust me, Aaron?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then lie back, close your eyes, and tell me what you want.”

“Emily, I…”

“You want me to guess? Mmm, I like guessing games.”

“I want you,” He moaned. “I want you all over me. I want you inside of me; I want to be inside of you.”

Emily smiled, scaling his body and giving him passionate kisses. Hotch took firm hold of her shoulders. When he flipped them on the mattress, she let out a squeal of delight. His kisses were harder, deeper, as he peeled off the underwear. He gasped when he saw the silver hoop in her left nipple.

“Oh my God,”

“What?” Her tone was innocent.

“Naughty, naughty,” Hotch grinned.

“I'm trying to be.” Emily kissed him, sighing as he adjusted his weight on her. “I want you so much…tell me you want me.”

“I want you, I need you, and I love you Emily Prentiss.”

Hotch didn’t have any more anxiety. He took Emily over the edge once, and then again, the both of them flying through the clouds as they held onto each other tight. He was strong, sure, confident, and knew exactly how to make her body respond in a way that they both took the pleasure to another level. It had been so long, so long since he shared this part of himself. So long since he surrendered enough to give everything he had to another soul; so long since the other soul responded in kind. The way she called out his name, held him, moaned…Hotch felt on top of the world.

“Oh Emily, Em, baby, baby, oh God, oh my God, yes!”

“Aaron!”

His name bounced off the walls around him as a burst of thunder rumbled in the sky. Lightning followed and the rain fell down in sheets. Hotch let go with a groan of pleasure and pain, fireworks dancing behind his eyelids. Then everything went black. He couldn’t help but collapse on Emily in pure exhaustion. Not wanting to hurt her, Hotch tried to move but she held on.

“Don’t…” She said, still catching her breath.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t move. Mmm, I love that feeling…that feeling when you're deep inside me.”

“I love you, Emily.”

“I love you too.” Emily kissed him. She didn’t care that she could barely breathe. What was breath when she had this bliss?

Hotch closed his eyes, running his fingers over her face. Then they moved down her body; when Emily quivered he did the same. He moved his body onto the mattress and took her into his arms. They didn’t need words as they held listened to the rain fall outside. He didn’t know how much time went by before she turned in his arms, kissing him again.

“Nerves?” She asked with her hand on his stomach. Emily could feel the butterflies.

“Absolutely not. In fact, I can't remember the last time I felt so at peace.”

“That I have even a little bit to do with that…”

“You have everything to do with that.” Hotch said. “Without you, without you Emily, I don’t know if I would’ve made it through this. Sometimes I chastise myself for waiting so long to tell you how much you mean to me. I never want you to think or feel that I'm here because you saved me. I never want you to think I'm here because Jack needs a mother or I need a warm body in my bed.”

“I could never feel that way.” She replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. We’ve been on the same team for over three years now. I won't pretend to know every facet of you, it might take forever to do that, but I do know that. I know you're strong, brilliant, loving, and supportive. I also know you’ve been through hell recently. It’s been a constant since that damn bomb in New York. I just want to show you something else.”

“You have.” Hotch kissed her. “I'm not just talking about sex, Emily, I'm talking about everything. When you smile…I can hardly stand not to smile too. When you laugh, I get butterflies in my stomach. I want to share my whole life with you and I honestly never thought I could feel that way about another human being. After Haley…”

“I know.” She nodded and held him tighter. “One day we’re going to have a long conversation about that. I don't know if we should do it right now.”

That was definitely OK with Hotch. He knew he would have to, he was prepared to, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. He couldn’t start on the road to a real relationship with Emily without talking about the past almost 30 years of his life with someone else.

“I think we should leave Quantico early tomorrow, pick up Jack and have dinner.” Hotch said.

“I’d really love that but I have plans.” Emily snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes. Sleep was coming; she was ready for it.

“Oh. Well, some other time this week then.”

“Definitely. I find Hotchner men irresistible to turn down. I can make dinner; it’s been a while since Jack’s been over to play with the cat. How does that sound?”

“Good, it sounds lovely.” He squeezed her. “Goodnight, baby,”

“Goodnight, Aaron. I love you.”

Hotch fell asleep with a smile on his face. He didn’t do that between Haley walking out of his life and Emily entering it. Things were still the same yet somehow drastically different; that’s what Hotch was trying to deal with. It wasn’t going to be as simple as just loving this woman…if only.

There were still jagged rocks left to climb over. There were dangerous, jagged rocks with long falls to the bottom. He wasn’t going to think about that while holding her. Tonight had been fantastic; Hotch planned to hold onto that long after he had to let Emily go.

***

  



End file.
